Even more trials to endure...when does it ever stop?

As the days go by I just wonder if there is any end in sight. To be able to come home to my very own home, to provide enough money to be secure enough to pay the bills and a place of my own to rent and not to have to live in the home my parents live and I was raised in. Not to mention the pain I have had to endure over the last three weeks has been very trying to say the least. In and out of the ER three times and they still don't know exactly what is going on with my hip. I just know it's painful and it hurts so bad. My boys have been so good about it but it is also so heart breaking for them to ask when are we going to move to our own home. I wonder if God is supposed to be so loving and God has a plan then why does he strip everything from my life and expect me to still find the joy in life. I could go weeks without hearing from a friend. Needless to say I lost most of them because they didn't want to deal with me and the struggles of my messy divorce. If you add it up how is a person supposed to want to keep on going. Pain (unending) in my hip, friendships-what ones are those that are close and understand anything, a job that doesn't pay enough to be on my own and yet I still wake up every morning wondering when the day will come when I feel more human and on my own. It's humiliating and embarrassing to be in my shoes. I miss the companionship of my best friend and doing things with him. He has his own reasons...partly for which are harsh, but it just adds to my further frustration. I don't even remember the last time I had a great vacation with my boys and could provide more than just an afternoon at home feeling lazy because I have no energy to go do something by myself again. It gets old. Part of me wishes I could move away and start over. A fresh beginning and make new memories. At least I wouldn't have the harsh memories this town continues to bring me and remind me of all the horrible mistakes I have made in my life. I am tired of being in pain, tired of feeling alone, tired of not being able to live on my own in my own place with myself and two boys, tired of applying to nursing schools and I can't seem to get into any of them, tired of not being able to provide the money to feel secure in raising my two boys just because I don't get any help financially. When does it turn around when I can just enjoy my boys and not feel so burdened with life and two boys completely on my shoulders. Every time I feel as though I have a best friend they suddenly disappear from my life and I hear nothing from them always for various reasons and then it's on to finding a new friend. I am tired of feeling so alone, so isolated and so inadequate because of my circumstances and constantly in pain. I just wish I had friends I could count on, a place to have friends gather and a place I can call "home." There are days I just go to sleep and cry because I am so frustrated with my situation it's not funny. I didn't ask for everything that's been served on my plate at once. They say God doesn't give you more than you can handle, I beg to differ. I have so much on my plate right now I can't even see straight. I just cry because I have too much on my plate and I can't handle the pain and frustration all of it brings. I ask God constantly, why me? What did I do to deserve the pains of all of this? How come I can't seem to have anything positive turn around in my life. I am doing everything I can to try to turn my life around and every time I try harder, I fall even harder and I am faced with more failure. I could go weeks and never hear from someone. I could be in the hospital and no one would even know if i was. This was not the life I dreamed of. It's not the life I thought I would ever be stuck living in. I just want to sit and cry because I am so frustrated. When is it my turn to actually see something positive happen and I can finally begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel and I can forget about me leaving my ex, the abuse and I can finally feel I am moving forward in a positive direction. I scream at God at night "when does this end? What do you want from me? You have taken everything from me? I have nothing left to give and every time I feel it's going in a positive direction, you take more away from me? I have NOTHING left. I don't even have anything left to give to anyone. Is this ever going to end?