My Life is Yours Lord!

How do you get over the loss of someone so dear to your heart that you didn't even realize was so special in your life? I have learned I have to fully give my life to Christ knowing he's got a better plan for me and I have to come to terms with that. He knows why Keith was brough home at such a young age and I have to be satisified with the fact that Jesus knows what is best. In Keith's passing I have discovered that living my life for Christ is the ultimate desire that God has for my life and the music on KLOVE and AIR1 have become praise and worship music to me like no other time before. I want nothing to do with the world and their opinions but rather to live for an audience of one. I don't care any longer what the world's view is...I want to take upon the Lord and his fullest desire for my life. It may be many years before I get to see my Grandpa and my dear friend Keith again. Until then I want to make the Lord proud of my time here on earth. To give my time away. God gave it to me and the biggest sacrifice I can make is to give it back to him using my time to glorify him. I have lost a desire to find a mate that once was burning on my heart. I would rather use my time and efforts to glorify the Lord and make his kingdom known while I am here on earth. It has certainly been a difficult road for me and I have had many challenges in coming to terms with this. However, now knowing that I want to serve the Lord with no holdbacks and to let the world know that God is out there. I don't care what people may think or say anymore. Why should I? When I die, God is the only one to be glorified! It's put into perspective that our future is the past for God since he can see the eternity of the universe. Why should I doubt now his calling on my life. He has carried me through these last couple of days that I have not even been able to get out of bed because of the grief I have experienced. If I can get through this and he is my Best Friend...I want the world to know about my Best Friend! My son now knows and the rest of the world should know too. God, I know you are out there and I know you can hear me saying this....my LIFE is completely yours. Please use it as you see fit and have desired for my life. I want my selfish ways gone and my horrible habits to be flushed away. I want to take in your majesty, grace and wonder and marvel at your creation you have placed before me. I want to be at that table for two REGULARLY in fact so much so that my Bible begins to fall apart from reading it so much. I want my time with you and you alone! Not my books, not my job....nothing but you Lord! Make me useful while I am here. Even though I would love to be in Heaven right now praising your name and eternally joyful my day isn't just yet. I don't even know how many years or days I have before me but I am tired of trying to live up to everyone's standards. I am yours now Lord. Do with me as you may. I am a child who has finally figured out who is boss and I am tired of driving. I just want to sit in the back seat and sleep a while....while you take me around and show me the way. May this be my prayer and may my boys be witness to this so that they may burn with passion for you as I do now. May they be servants for your Kingdom and bring others to your glory. Father comfort me now in this saddness and use it for your glory! In Your Precious Name...Amen!